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I would have to say when pressed, that I’m a lousy person when it comes to asking for help. I possess a firm desire to do things on my own, that my own merits and efforts ought to be enough to gain what I desire. Failing that I expect to be able to spend money to achieve that goal, or to otherwise achieve it. What I don’t want ever is achievement by the kindness of others. In other words, I’m fiercely proud under the surface.

Its odd though, but this summer in my quest for finding a summer internship it’s resolved entirely the other way. I’ve been compelled to ask people for help, something which I really didn’t want to do, but the people I have asked have been uniformly gracious, accommodating and helpful. It has been amazing how well so many people have been willing to help me and give me a chance, especially those who didn’t even know me for more then a few minutes, or just on the request of another.

What is more the opportunity they provided out of a request, has sooner rather then later turned into being impressed, and (I hope) the impression that I have some ability and merit and so deserving of slight further accommodation. Things have worked the other way then I thought that they ought to work. The helpfulness of others found me a gap, a small weakness in the armor, and it has been my own endeavor that has turned this small weakness into an exploitable opportunity, from which not only am I being useful to the people that have given me the chances, but that I’m helping them with their work and learning at the same time.

I find this odd, but I recall how good a feeling it is to be able to help others. I often want to help my friends and family and I don’t in the least mind doing things for them, indeed I feel it a privilege that I am so deserving of their attention that they would ask for my help. In that light things make sense, and perhaps also that others realize that in their trust they weren’t disappointed. I understand that everyone deserves to be given a chance to prove what they really are, that you cannot classify them by the categories and conventions that make life so easy to live. Each individual is different and deserving of a chance. It is a revealing and interesting lesson, that far transcends everything else I’ve learned this summer.

It’s made me a little more amiable to asking people that I wouldn’t say were close acquaintances for their help in the knowledge that I am required to do it by circumstances, and that perhaps more profoundly, deep down, most people are decent and honourable people, who in the common lot of life, will bare small burdens to allow others to benefit greatly.