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No Emotional Baggage

It’s amazing how fast a person can move on.

Mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, moments that can seem immense, world defining moments can, over time, and with the beauty of hindsight appear to be so small and easily traversed that you almost wonder what all the fuss was for.

I make this observation in a poignant moment of irony. Someone is talking to me about FMGamer, that was, that is, that isn’t, such a part of me.

Now, looking back, and on, and through that experience, I feel nothing. Not even the slightest twinge. I’ve left it behind. It’s just another moment, another landmark, another companion left on the wayside. Another project that I outgrew and that never grew along with me. And I shrug my shoulders, and stride on. New vistas, new opportunities, new ideas.

It all happened so recently, a few months, but I find the memories of those years has become incredibly hazy. All those people I used to know intimately are starting to fall out of my memory, all the ups and downs, the struggles and the few moments of success; they’re not the subject of warm recollection, but as if handed a tabula rasa, they are gone. No impact, no recollection. Not a care for them.

I have to rack my brains for even the most basic details about those days. My most notable response is apathy to questions about this past. It just doesn’t resonate in me anymore. It almost feels like this wasn’t my past. Its fictionalized, serialized, a fake life. And now, like the skin of a shedding snake, I’ve left it behind with nary a glance back. It’s gone; without any residual effects.

Just totally gone.

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2 Comments

  1. More importantly, do you think this is a good or bad thing, or just indifferent about it?

    • mtalib
    • Posted April 16, 2007 at 10:49 pm
    • Permalink

    I think that’s what I’m struck by actually. I should be more affected by this, but I am totally indifferent. And I don’t know how I should feel about that at all. I’m not generally prone to apathy, and this has kind of hit me as a very in your (my) face example of it.


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