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“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion.” 
Dale Carnegie

Have you ever had the experience, the rush, the exhilaration that comes when someone completely rewires your brain. Have you ever felt that buzz echo in your head from a moment of sheer awareness? A quiet whisper that transfigures your whole life from that moment on?

I have.

These past two weeks.

I worry that I’m doing something rash by talking to you. I should be more secretive about something like this. I’m fighting that urge, but I suspect exhaustion and a caffeine high are having a say in the final decision. I’m willing to persevere.

I have spoken before about the  respect that I have for James and Gareth. Their easy going, friendly and welcoming nature enraptured me and captured my friendship, a prize I give away haltingly and to few victors. They captured it with such excellence that you might suspect they exercised some magical hold over me. Certainly it happened faster than it has ever happened.

Two weeks ago Gareth initiated me, partially, in the rites of his magic. I don’t pretend to understand what he does, or why. I just understand a small layer of ‘how’. And that small kernel of truth has overwhelmed me. 

It turns out that what Houdini does, what this mage of friendship does possess, is an intimate understanding of human psychology and the human condition. An understanding that is deeply intuitive, emotional and personal.

He has a character that accepts people as they are, that offers them unconditional support and voices strong belief in what they are, can be and aspire to be. A strength of character that accepts people as emotional beings, and responds to them at that level. That finds the human tragedy and the human joy in human beings, and brings it to the fore.

It’s a bitter pill to swallow, a tough realization, when you first perceive that you don’t connect with people at that level. That you don’t even see people at that level. That you don’t even recognize that level exists.

I’ve always been the kind of person who lives in their own head. And because of that I’ve always related to people at that level. I’ve always dealt in the world of ideas, thoughts, concepts or other abstracts. I have dealt with people at the level of their intellect and had rewarding friendships with people within that realm

But that is a flawed world. A partially complete world. A world without raw emotion. A world that ignores the magnificence of the human soul.

It came with some stunning realizations.

While people have these needs for acceptance, understanding and reassurance, I don’t have it in me to give it. I won’t give them that acceptance. I won’t give them that understanding and I won’t tell them the things they need to hear to get through it. At the time I said that this bothered me less than it probably should. 

Now? It’s had a chance to settle in, and it bothers me.

Bothers me a lot.  

A thought like that, actually its not a thought, its not a feeling either. I guess a realization is as close as I can get to evoking it. You can’t shake that once it takes root. It turns your mind, it grasps your tongue. It reconstructs your whole way of seeing and relating to people. It literally turns the images you see before you eyes. It alters the lines and the likenesses.

The world is redrawn, and it makes a little more sense. Not logical sense, not rational sense not perfect sense. But a sense that pervades and explains at a level of explanation that was before simply missing before from your understanding.

It’s a change that I’m still adapting to.

I still have a long long way to go.