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Creativity can solve almost any problem. The creative act, the defeat of habit by originality, overcomes everything.

– George Lois

I’ve been in a bit of a funk.

After a  busy summer, with three months of full time employment, in a rewarding and challenging environment, and then a sprint at the end to get my dissertation practically complete, I found myself trapped at the end. With just seven days to go till the start of the PCLL induction, I’ve found myself deprived of purpose and too little time to commit to my scatterbrained long term projects.

This lack of direction is difficult to accept.

As a pretty strong introvert, I relish my down time. I enjoy the opportunity to spend some time reconnecting with events in my mind, to sieve experience and to fit it into my mental structure. To expand my mental structure, to take new ideas on board. The second process takes a lot longer than the first one; it’s one of my  pressing challenges of the moment.

I’ve found that the biggest mistake I made in this second process, in taking the time to realign my internal world slowly, is I stopped being creative. I stopped taking the “out of the box” approach. I stopped taking things at their face value. I failed because my old world view clouded out the nascent one.

Writing is my creative outlet. Writing is where my inner world finds its expression. Writing is where I take my experiences and give them structure. Writing is where I marry my introverted nature with the reality of my experienced life. It is where I adapt to the world.

It struck me that the whole period I’d stopped writing I effectively stalled myself. I had stopped my own internal conflict resolution process from working. As a result I felt this tension between the emptiness of time and the joy of freedom  acutely, more acutely than I have ever felt before. Without my small act of creation, I felt more isolated and more confused by my own life than I wanted.

As I’ve committed more time to my pen, to my inner voice, to the inner monologue that drives me, I’ve felt myself become more balanced externally. I’ve found that I can accept things more intuitively and with less over-thinking than is my natural inclination. I’ve regained a bit of balance, a little equanimity and some of the inner contentedness that I have felt was so tentative throughout this period.

 My creative outlet was essential to balancing out the whole of my life, and enabling me to sustain other areas of my personality that drew in different directions. Without that counterbalance to the extroverted people orientated side of me that is slowly growing, I lost those aspects of me and felt diminished in my own eyes in terms of what I was and what I could do.

We all need our creative outlet. We all need to satisfy the urge to create. When we abandon that part of ourselves, we do a great disservice to the whole of our character. And we will pay a price for that disservice.

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