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We have a ritual.

I invite.

You refuse.

I wait for a while.

I invite.

You refuse.

Restart the ritual.

Between now and the restart, there is reflection. I reflected about our strange ritual. On three aspects of it. The first, why I still persist; the second, how long there is between now and the moment that will come when I eventually change that last line to something more final and finally what I’m doing in the meantime.

The ritual invites and their ritual rejections make me question the friendship. My friends are people that I spend time with, with whom I interact. If every time I ask you to do something with me I get a negative response (even for good and justifiable reasons) it’s strange.

It’s strange because I don’t expect you to say yes because of the ritual. Why ask someone when you anticipate that they’ll say no? Its got to the ridiculous stage that when I try and arrange something, I double book that slot anyway. Because I know you’ll say no, or if you say yes that you’ll call again later to cancel.

I’m not sure how long there is between now and the day that I change that last line. I’m not sure yet what I’ll change that last line to either. My inclination, I’m sure you may have read already between the lines. My inclination is to turn it to some form of surrender, some form of acceptance and to resign the proactive role.

In the meantime, how do I see myself in this role? I see myself, perhaps rather blasphemously, as a summoner. I call towards a particular course of action. I ask. I invite you to say yes. Whether you say, that is your choice. To accept or not to accept is your decision.  That decision has consequences, which I hope you’ll accept and understand on the day that you face them.

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