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In the list of odd defects in my mental make up, first place belongs today to that mist of panic that descends whenever anyone mentions to me that they’ve read a post on my blog.

Intellectually, I know this is a public blog, on a public site, syndicated to PlanetBohra, my Facebook page and on my Twitter.  I do those things because I want to make it easier for people – drum roll – to read my blog.

That knowledge does not explain the reaction I have when people mention my posts in person: I go through a sensation of shock as the internet and ‘real’ worlds collide; I expect some horrendous consequence to be visited on me as an online indiscretion leaks into the real world (If I’ve ever ‘blanked’ after you’ve mentioned a blog post of mine my apologies and at least now you know why). 

My experience has never justified my panic. People have been supportive, questioning or interested in taking the dialogue from the internet to real life and nothing ill has ever come of dialogue.  Some offer answers, some help me cope, and some bear the unique gift of seeing with a different perspective.

We idealise the mastery of the rational brain over the emotional mind, but things like this make me wonder if truly either master or mastered is in charge.  A reaction of panic, when intellect and experience seems to suggest that there is little reason to fear makes me wonder why I react this way.


One Comment

    • craig
    • Posted June 11, 2010 at 3:05 pm
    • Permalink

    Yo Mo,

    Um I think I might know what you mean and apologies for sometimes being on the delivering end of that kind of shock…

    It its interesting too what you say about your religious music, the way it come back to you in lifts and quiet moments, comforts and restores. Thats awesome, isnt it. I love the way that happens sometimes for me too… most often out of doors and alone… but yet when ppl ask… i say i dont listen to much music… i wonder to what extent that is because i dont clasify church music as music, and to what extents its because i wonder what their response would be if i confessed a love of hymns…

    NE ways… it was great seeing you… if to brief to be fully to my liking and thanks for letting me meet Naqiya…

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